Man Talk
by Ferret.krazy.101
Summary: Sokka and Zuko's wives have stress problems. They try and help them overcome thier bad habbits. "M" for insinuations and language ('cause I'm a baby.) Oneshot. ZukoxKatara SokkaxOC


**I got this idea from a novel I read and thought this would be so funny for Sokka and Zuko to have women who do this. Stupid plot bunny, stay out of my head at 3am.**

**Day 1**

Zuko was doing some paperwork, which was long overdue, when Sokka strode in carrying a bag of fireflakes. "Hey man, thanks for having us over."

Sokka had just recently gotten married to a lovely young lady from the Northern Watertribe who had come down south to help with the reconstruction (and repopulation apparently). They had chosen to honeymoon here at the Firenation for a month before going home to where Sokka would be appointed as chief.

Katara and himself had been married for over a year now and were as happy as they could be. "No problem. You know you can visit anytime. How's married life treating you?"

"GREAT! Do I sound too excited?"

"Not at all…"

"Good, 'cause Lyra is the best! She cooks, she cleans, and she's amazing in—"

"DUDE! I'm goin' to stop you right there. I have no desire to listen to your love life. Plus, she's my sister-in-law now. How would you like to hear about your sisters love life?"

"… Point taken."

They were quiet for a bit, well, Sokka munched loudly on his snack. "Zuko, what does Katara do when she's under stress?"

He thought for a minute, "She eats a lot of sweets. Pastries really. She keeps them stashed all over the palace. I'm surprised she doesn't have a servant dedicated to following her around with a tray of something already. Why? What does Lyra do?"

"She drinks. She takes shots of this firewhiskey stuff all the time. Like when you think she is going to murder you, she goes to her cabinet and takes a shot. When you think she is going to explode, she takes a another shot."

"How much stress are you putting her under?" Zuko frowned.

"She's under as much as I am. Which, I guess is a lot. But still, I'm not sure if it's so healthy."

Now that Zuko thought about it, Katara was starting to get out of shape and a bit pudgy, "I think I understand what you mean. Katara is loosing her edge too. Maybe we should get them to stop."

"Zuko, you are _the man_! Alright, here's the plan: they have to go the rest of the month without their sweets or firewhiskey or whatever. If Katara caves first, you have to dress in Kyoshi drag and preform the _Dancing Dragon_."

"Fine, but if Lyra gives in first the you have to renounce your man-code."

"But—"

"No buts. If I have to dress in drag then you renounce the man-code."

"Fine." The men shook on it and Sokka left to break the news to his wife.

**Day 2**

Zuko told Katara that night, surprisingly she agreed. She knew she was letting herself go and wanted to get back into shape, nor did she want that dependence on something to 'relieve her stress.'

By noon Zuko had learned to avoid his wife. She was crankier than an enraged tigerdillo on a bad day. Hoping to find some relief, Zuko went to visit his brother-in-law.

"Hey, Sokka?"

"Shhhhhhh! Get over here." Sokka whispered from behind a pillar.

"Why are hiding?" Zuko whispered back as he hid behind the other pillar.

"Lyra. Explain later, in your office. Run on three… Three." Sokka took off in a full sprint.

Zuko reached the destination to find Sokka collapsed on the couch, "Lock the door, hurry!"

Zuko did so, "Dude, what's the problem? Is she looking to kill you now she doesn't have her shots?"

"No. Not really. The opposite. Quite the opposite." A goofy grin spread across Sokka's face, "Twenty-four hours. That's all it took to get the alcohol out of her system, then she _attacked_."

Zuko was confused, "She attacked you? But you said—"

"Let me finish. She needed another release for her pent up frustrations and energy, and she chose _me_ to be that release."

Zuko gave Sokka a sly smile, "You lucky turtleduck. Katara just wants to kill me."

"NO!" Sokka gasped overdramatically.

"YES! Do you know what she said to me this morning? 'Get me a doughnut or I'll make sure stewed sea-prunes is the only thing served for the next twenty-four hours!' I HATE those things."

"… Did you get her the doughnut?"

"What do you think?"

"Yes?"

"No, 'cause I would have to _dress in drag_ if I did. Sea-prunes are the better option."

Sokka did a small happy dance.

**Day 3**

Zuko and Sokka were hiding out in Zuko's office again when there was a knock at the door, "Sokka, answer that." Zuko said.

"Why me?" he complained.

"'Cause you like your wife!" Zuko ducked under his desk.

"Coward."

"Better option!"

Laughing Sokka opened the door to find an angry Katara, "Where is my husband?"

All of Sokka's mirth _died_, she was murderous with crazy fluffy hair too boot. She was completely terrifying, not that Sokka would admit that to anyone though.

"Um, not here."

"Why the hell not? Why are you here then?"

"Zuko said I could hide here. He went to use the bathroom like five minutes ago." He bluffed in a monotone voice.

"I'll just wait here for him them." Katara sat behind Zuko's desk. Dear La, she was going to find Zuko. He could barely fit under there to begin with.

Sokka walked a couple steps out the door (still in sight of the menacing sister) and made some crazy hand motions.

"Sokka! What are you doing?"

"Nothing! Definitely not signaling Zuko who just ran in the other direction." Sokka said quickly. "What did he do wrong anyway?"

"He wont let the servants get me my doughnuts." She growled and she stalked past her brother.

Sokka closed the door, "All clear. Bro, give her that doughnut will you?"

No response.

"Dude? Zuko?" Under the desk Sokka found a paralyzed Zuko covered in a light sheen of sweat. "Oh, man. You're pathetic."

**Day 4**

Zuko walked into his office to find Sokka passed out on his couch.

"Wake up, I have coffee." Zuko kicked the couch effectively waking up the slumbering tribesmen. "Remember you have to leave by tonight. I have first dibs on the couch."

"Not sleeping in your bed either?"

"Why are you complaining? You just get the _best thing ever_ more than usual."

"You try getting woken up every hour and being given the workout of your life for three days straight. I have gotten little or no sleep in _seventy-two_ _hours_!" Sokka reached for one of the coffees that Zuko brought.

_Knock-knock. _

"Hide me." Sokka whimpered as he dove under Zuko's desk.

Zuko shook his head, "Hello Lyra. What can I do for you this morning?" Lyra looked neat and clean, although just a tad jumpy. Okay, that was an understatement. If she was an Airbender, she would be worse than Aang on that chi enhancing tea.

"Have you seen Sokka? He didn't come to bed last night and I'm worried. I really needed him."

"Haven't seen him."

"Says the two coffee cups on your desk."

"Bro-code. Sokka would kill me if I broke it. I'm sorry I can't help more." Zuko genially was sorry, but if he broke the code then Sokka would turn him over to Katara.

"Thanks' anyway." She seemed so dejected, but Zuko heard what she mumbled under her breath, "Stupid fucking bro-code." The obscenities continued as she bounced away.

Zuko crouched behind the desk to check on Sokka, "Dude, your wife has a sailors vocab. Sokka?" Poor guy, he must really be tired because he was asleep on the floor.

**Day 25**

It was Zuko's turn to hide and Sokka's to open the door.

"Helloooo…" Sokka said through the door.

"Open up, you little shit." Katara replied. Good just her.

Sokka opened the door, woops, not just Katara. Lyra too. Both girls looked _a bit_ miffed.

"ZUKO! Need back up. Help!" Sokka retreated behind the desk and jerked Zuko up by the robes.

"Don't think for one moment that we never talked about you and this bet you have going." Lyra scolded.

"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out either." Katara added. "Although, we would like to thank you boys for caring enough about us to put yourselves in harms way to make sure we were taken care of."

Lyra nodded, "Plus, we have something to tell you."

"We're pregnant." They said in unison.

Sokka stopped trying to shove Zuko forward and use him as a human shield, "Say what now?"

"Sokka, you're going to be a dad."

"No way! This is so awesome. Hey, I win the bet!"

Zuko was about ready to faint at the prospect of being a father, but upon hearing that Sokka had won their bet, he had to sit down for a second.

Katara gloated, "That's right. I have cravings; I get to eat _whatever_ I want, _whenever_ I want. Although, Lyra can't drink while she's with-child."

Zuko stood in the royal gardens completely decked out in Kyoshi _armor _and _war paint _with Aang. Toph was cackling in the background while everyone else was at least trying to hold back his or her laughter.

"Zuko, what happened to your _manly pride_?" Toph taunted, "You have a little Iroh on the way. Are you going to teach him how to be girly too? Baby-bender, promise me you wont let DragQueen mess this little Iroh up. Okay?"

"He's the father, Toph, he has a say in how my little waterbender is raised." Katara replied.

Oh, Zuko is never going to live this down.

"Bad luck dude." Sokka gave him an encouraging punch to the shoulder, "Now get to dancing."

**Posted 9/12/13**


End file.
